Apparently I forgot I had a blog.

Ah well. I'm back now.

Many exciting things to babble about to the great invisible Jesus tube system that is the internet.
I went to my hometown for one of my best friend's weddings. Yup, middle of Prairie Canada in the middle of January. Smart move, hopscotch.

It was bloody cold.

But on the bright side, other than mooching rides to and from said wedding, I really had no reason to be outdoors.

I'm still weirded out seeing people I've known since I was 3 years old being all grown up and married to boys who have real jobs and whatnot. It's like as soon as people hit their mid twenties they trip out and decide they need a bunch of paperwork proving that they have a permanent boyfriend. I dunno, I guess it's just not my thing. I mean, I'd love to have a big party with everyone I like telling me I'm pretty and eating cake, so I'll probably throw a wedding of my own at some point, but unless I get to walk down the aisle dressed like Cyndi Lauper or maybe Alf, while an acoustic (or maybe accordian) version of Rock Lobster plays, or maybe Strutter (you know, that band with the makeup), or something really relevant like the theme song from Batman... anyway you get the idea.

My kid told me something wonderful about marriage last week. She says "Mom. I'm going to marry... a Princess. A Princess who is.... A BOY."

After I stopped dying of laughter the next day she said "Mom. I'm going to marry a boy. A boy who is... a MERMAID."

I think she's a little gender confused. But that's alright. She's two. Plus if she ever dates transvestites, maybe my taste in boys will seem less... offbeat?

I'm in the midst of cooking up a surprise for my bass player tonight. Luckily no one actually reads this, so my secret is safe here. I'm making her some cupcakes that look like severed organs. You see, it's her birthday, and in our little band of horrors nothing says "Celebrate Life" like an autopsy table. I'll post pictures when I take some, and learn how to insert photos. We are surprising her mid-jam tomorrow, and if she doesn't like there, I'm gonna punch her in the back of the face. Yeah, I said it. I love that bitch.

Oh, the photo button is right there.
Durrrr.

Okay, I don't really know what else goes in these things so I'll leave on a high note, so maybe you come back for some reason.

I am one of those lucky people with a fucked up bleeding disorder, so i spend a lot of time in the Lab getting bloodwork done. I caught tonsillitis a couple weeks back and couldn't talk louder than a whisper and i had a lisp for some reason. So I go into the clinic, sign in, tell them my birthday and the lady leans in really close and says (in a voice way too loud for being so close) "DID YOU COME HERE ALL BY YOURSELF TODAY?" and being vocally crippled I just nodded and stared and probably looked really slow trying to figure out why they asked me that. So now I get weird sympathetic smiles and special treatment when I go in because of my "mental handicap". I figure I might as well milk it until they realize that wearing 5 different kinds of mismatched animal print just makes you bad at fashion, not necessarily brain development.

Introductory Introduction

Hello internet. I don't understand you, and you don't understand me, but now that we have to co-habitate, I suggest that at least one of us is always at least moderately sedated. I volunteer.

I guess the reason I'm here is because a lot of people tell me that I say a lot of stupid things, and that by saying stupid things publicly, maybe I can force people to like me. Like those girls who sleep with everyone, only with typing... so what I'm getting at is that after reading this you may want to get your eyes checked for chlamydia.

Just saying.

Here's a joke to break the tension, since this isn't going so well...

So a Chinese man walks into a bar. He slips on a banana peel but instead of falling down he just keeps spinning around and around and around. Finally, he's able to grab onto the bar counter and stop the spinning. When he looks up at the bartender he's just a white guy. The bar tender is bewildered and says "Oh my god! What just happened to you? Weren't you Chinese a minute ago??" The man says "I must have gotten disoriented."


Ba-doom-chhhh.


You loved it.
I know you did.


I guess since I'm introducing myself I should also tell you a little about myself and warn you of what the future might hold for any people who decide to torture themselves with this little page more than once. I'm a mother of one, I sing in a really trashy punk rock band, live with a sexy undead circus mutant man in the backyard of some people I think are wonderful, and sometimes, at night, when no one's looking, I sleep.


Just kidding. 


Who has time for that shit?